Our life is full of relationships. Throughout our lifetime we experience our connections with people in multiple ways. We engage in familial relationships, friendships, dating/courtships, marriages, business involvements, and situationships. All of these interactions impact us both in positive and negative ways. Whether the influence in our life is good or bad the relationship is governed by us, we get what we allow.
Years ago I had a former best friend. This friend was incredibly intelligent, articulate, passionate, business savvy, funny, talented and gorgeous -- the total package. She was one of the most colorful people I have ever known. We had some very memorable moments together. But, the problem with our relationship was I didn't get out of it what I put into it. Anytime she needed encouragement, support, care, understanding, compassion, etc I was there. But when I needed support that mirrored what I provided to her it was always suspiciously absent.
Our relationships could easily be equated with a banking account. By this point in life either we have learned, are in the process of learning or will eventually learn that in order to keep our banking accounts in the black i.e. the account is thriving or making positive earnings, we have to make certain our deposits and withdrawals match. If they don't, the account will go into the red i.e. the account will have insufficient funds and the account will show a loss and become unprofitable. When this occurs, the account holder is notified so the necessary payments can be made to bring the account out of a delinquent status.
Growing up I thought relationships were
supposed to be 50/50. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you put 50% into a relationship and the person you are in the relationship supplied the remaining 50%? Unfortunately that's not the way relationships work. It's not that cut and dry. Relationships in some instances can be 80/20 in some respects, while the numbers can indicate 30/70 in other aspects which can help keep the relationship in the black. In this type of relationship there is an established reciprocity. Both accounts are receiving and giving equally and both accounts are balanced. The problem occurs when one person is constantly making deposits i.e. giving of their time, talents, ideas, energy and finances without receiving an adequate number of withdrawals. The problem with these type of relationships is the person who is constantly depositing will eventually become depleted emotionally, financially, socially, spiritually and physically. This type of account moves from black, balanced, into the red, insufficient funds.
The truth is the account can only go into an insufficient status if we allow it. We determine how people will treat us by demonstrating to them what we will and won't accept. These negative accounts have the ability to mute our feelings, expectations and give us an unrealistic perspective of the relationship. These toxic relationships have the ability to rewrite the narratives of our relationships. In the new script one account holder will be the victim and the other will play superhero. Remember a person's access to you is a privilege.
Banking systems manage and maintain accounts for countless individuals, businesses organizations etc. When a request is made to withdraw funds from an account the banking system determines whether or not the account (individual, organization or business) has sufficient funds to satisfy the transaction. Additionally, safety parameters can be put in place to keep the account balanced i.e. the bank won't allow the account to be overdrawn, the account is considered reliable and trustworthy so the banking system extends a credit to allow the individual access to funds that are not readily at their disposal because there is a history of repayment.
Closing an account can be a tough decision to make. But after the banking institution has made repeated attempts to collect the debt with no success the account holder is notified of the banking institution's decision to close the delinquent account.The account is placed on an internal/external system to inform other banking systems that the account was not paid. When placed into these systems it becomes difficult to open a new account. But after some credit counseling or repayment of the debt the account may be reopened with restrictions and financial education or the
account may never be reinstated; the account status will show paid, but the account holder may be forced to open an account at a another banking institution.
Hindsight truly is 20/20. We can reflect on those past relationships where healthy boundaries could have provided a healthy balance preventing us from becoming depleted, saved a friendship, or would have prevented the development of a toxic relationship. No matter the type of relationship, advocate for the appropriate time and space for both parties to openly express their feelings, desires and expectations for the relationship. Never allow someone to make withdrawals that leave you feeling drained, depleted or stifle your voice. Take a personal inventory of your relationships. Are your relationships mutually beneficial? If not, be purposeful about closing accounts that are unhealthy for you. Ready! Set! Unmute!
I had to sink into adapting to the banking metaphor... Yet I LOVED your ending paragraph ☺️
ReplyDeleteYes yes and yes ❤️
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